I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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