FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize