I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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