we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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