Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
3pm strippers are depressing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
