I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
