someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
