Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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