i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
