Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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