Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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