How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize