I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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