Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
