I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize