if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
