I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
