you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
