You can't motorboat a personality
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize