I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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