I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is Oprah even human
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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