I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
