He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
