i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
