Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude i'm inner monologue high
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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