You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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