The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize