I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
