I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
