Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
