the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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