There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
