I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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