if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
