the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
