No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
