No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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