I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
