Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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