Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
