He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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