My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
