I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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