He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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