can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
