How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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