He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
