It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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