I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
