Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
