Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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