I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
