oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
