I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
