Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
