Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
