lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
