Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Pants are for mortals
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
