we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
