I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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