I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
