There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
