i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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