dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
