so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
