I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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