youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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