its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
