DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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