How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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