I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
