Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
