Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
