remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
